It is no secret that I am a big baby. You want evidence? Note that I have stalled on returning to my Amnesia playthrough (Ugh). I often find myself playing through perfectly wholesome games, and jumping out of my chair and/or crying and hiding. Trust me, I am not proud! Here are some examples of games that probably shouldn’t make me wet my pants, but do.
1. The Fable Series – There are more startling and disturbing moments in the Fable series than I can think of. Conversely, the wry British humor and general silliness of Albion keep the game from being too horrifying. In the original Fable, the hero’s first encounter with Hobbes, one of the Fable series’ staple monsters, is pretty harrowing. There are sacks of meat hanging from the ceiling, and a larder filled with human parts. Fable II is famous for a number of wet ‘em moments, from the winter cottage to the knights of Terry Cotter’s army to the creepiness of the sadistic coffer Chesty. In my opinion, Fable III is distinctly lacking in many scaries. However, the brilliant voice acting of John Cleese and Simon Pegg helps!
2. The Dragon Age Series – Yes, yes…I know. The world of Dragon Age isn’t exactly a happy one. There are demons, abominations, decapitations and other funsies. What makes Dragon Age creepy, however, isn’t necessarily the weirdness of the world’s system of magic – it’s the spiders. I can’t tell you how many times I about jumped out of my chair when a giant-ass spider wriggled down from the ceiling. I am not particularly afraid of spiders in my day-to-day life, but for some reason those stupid ceiling ploppers really got me. And who could forget the broodmother? Those eight mammoth boobs can never be unseen!
3. Braid – You might be asking yourself, “Braid? Really?” Yes really. Braid isn’t creepy in a soil your trousers sort of way (well, the bunnies are pretty scary), but it definitely has a slight creep-out factor. So you are in this beautiful vibrant world, filled with weird hairy little creatures and there is a sense of whimsy throughout…all the way up until the final stage. I really don’t want to spoil the “twist” for anyone who hasn’t experienced Braid, but when I realized what was really going on, I got a definite “Twilight Zone” feeling.
4. The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion – As you may have guessed, I struggle with first-person titles. If an adorable kitten popped out from around a corner, I would STILL be startled. It doesn’t help when what pops around the corner is a delightfully poxed zombie. That scares me and makes me want to cry. I come from a background of safe, only very mildly frightening JRPGs. How in the heck am I supposed to deal with something like this? I didn’t even go into how horrifying default Oblivion faces are! They are almost as bad as the pustule-ridden zombies! A perfect example follows below.
5. Final Fantasy XI: Gusgen Mines – Speaking of JRPGs, one managed to make it to my list. If you haven’t played FFXI, you are probably starting to suspect I might be under the influence of an illegal substance. The Gusgen Mines area, however, is undeniably creepy. So imagine an abandoned mine, complete with the weird mine sirens, hanging ceiling ghosts, and creepy kid ghosts that LAUGH AT YOU. This particular zone is a departure from the rest of the often frustrating world of Vana’diel. I have jumped on more than one occasion farming bone chips in Gusgen (don’t make fun of me for farming trash loot).
6. Ski Free – Remember when computers were total pieces of crap, and you basically just used them to play Solitaire? This was a time of the original horror PC title – “Ski Free.” So here I am, probably about eight or nine years old, playing on an AWESOME PC from the early ‘90s. I find a cute little skiing game, and I simply must try it! So my little skiing dude is slalom skiing down a hill (and by hill, I mean a white background), when suddenly a terrifying little gray douche-cadet comes out of nowhere! This monster will chase you with reckless abandon until he consumes you and has a laugh about his hearty skier meal. I’m just trying to play a game. I am eight years old and what is this?! Ski Free has made me the fearful girl I am today. Have fun with The International House O’ Cheese’s “dumb little skiing game.”